Andrea

2007, in a nutshell: exciting, amazing, phenomenal, and other adjectives of that nature. 2008 has big shoes to fill. So happy new year's eve: here's to a new year and new adventures. Bye!

There's nothing inherently wrong with the cupcake, just like there's nothing inherently wrong in the Koran. But our society's twisting of the cupcake's role has become a sickness. They've paved the local bakery and put up a $3 cupcake store. Not only has the cupcake specialty boutique spread like a contagion to nearly every major city in the country, but nearly a dozen cupcake-recipe books have come out in the past two years, which is particularly amazing when you consider that, not counting dye, there are only (give or take) seven ingredients in a cupcake.

I totally get it, too. As a kid, my heart pumped in anticipation of a classmate's birthday and the inevitable arrival of that wide, low pink box filled with diabetes-causing, sugary goodness. I'd pick away at the frosted top and then collect the remaining pure cake in both hands, eating out of my palms like a crazed bird on a sugar high. And sometimes, when no one was looking, I'd shove the paper in my mouth and chew it like cupcake gum. Delicious!

What I have since learned about cupcakes is that the phenomenon is not happening because cupcakes are simply delicious and deserve consumer attention. It's happening because people are apparently craving more and more comfort foods. Cupcake boutique owners have diluted themselves into thinking that they're in this sugary-sweet, cupcake bubble where everyone is smiling ear to ear. Which is actually a feat onto itself, if you think about it - because smiling ear to ear while eating a cupcake? Have you ever even tried that?

Anyway, that's what bugs me about cupcakes: they're fake happiness, wrought in Wonka unfood colors. They appeal to the same unadventurous instincts that drive adults to read Harry Potter and watch "Finding Nemo" without a kid in the room. They're small and safe, and so people convince themselves that they can't have that many calories. They are the dessert of a civilization in decline. And the worst part is, I want a cupcake right now...badly.

First off, let me apologize for being on such an unintentionally long blogging hiatus. I'm not sure how the past seven months of my life have flown by so quickly, but I'm here now and not face-down in a gutter somewhere on the dirty streets of South Central Los Angeles.

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed - but comedy writers are always fighting the last war. And people who book commercials on cable channels don't really pay a lot of attention. Those two universal truths meant that most TV stations were still running the Sierra Mist commercial, the one where Kathy Griffin and Jim Gaffigan play airport security guards who pretend that their metal detectors are being set off by Michael Ian Black's deliciously refreshing Sierra Mist - so that they can confiscate it and drink it themselves. Now, of course, when you so much as try to sneak a bottle of pop past the TSA, they'll stun-gun the crap out of you...both literally and figuratively.

The commercial, which started airing back in February, conveniently ended its official run two weeks ago - only a few days before the foiling of the British terrorism plot was announced and "liquid explosives" became a ubiquitous term. But cable companies aren't scheduled to dribble out the spot ads until Tuesday, and neither Pepsi nor the normally irony-aware people at The Daily Show - who were still actually airing the commercial - are stopping them.

Terrorists may have come within days of ruining a very funny commercial, but with one trip to the pet store - they could've done a lot more damage to our entertainment: Snakes On a Plane.

In other news, I hope that by including a plethora of pictures - I will be able to buy back your love, persuade you to view my pictures, or at least leave me some hateful "I can't believe you've been gone for so long" type comments. I've even included a synopsis of each month that I didn't update! Or, at least, a synopsis of what I remember since February. Now, let the good times ensue!

Summer highlights: Disneyland (seriously the happiest place on earth), golfing, Broken Social Scene and Little Miss Sunshine with David. And that, my friends, is how you end summer proper!

Last week, my wallet was stolen from my gym locker at Bally's gym. Before I could even report this to the locker-room attendant in my broken Spanish, she had my wallet for me - missing nothing but $10, my $2 BART pass, and the picture of my family. I don't know why a wallet thief would want a picture of my family, but to each his own I suppose.

Everything else was there: my ATM card, three blank checks, a Get out of Jail Free card, and a couple of movie stubs. They were in perfect condition, returned in an order similar to, but not quite the same, as how I'd arranged them myself. Not only did my wallet thief have a better sense of organization than I did, but also a deep appreciation for the Tran family and public transportation.

So now, I only have good things to say about petty thieves - as do many other people. One of my friends received the contents of his wallet in the mail with a sheepish note that read "have a nice day!" In another incident, my friend's pocket was sliced open while he was drunk and sound asleep on BART. The thief returned his wallet immediately when the he discovered it contained only $1. And the $1 was still there. I guess wallet thieves don't steal from those less fortunate.

This type of crime, the post-pubescent, Arkansas type, isn't so foreign or frightening. In fact, it's not so dissimilar to the crimes I brazenly flirted with for a brief period of my youth. For a few weeks, I worked at an internet start-up company. I hated my job, and to get back at everyone - I'd regularly steal un-sharpened No. 2 pencils, fountain pens, and rolls of scotch-tape. I stole in direct proportion to what I thought I had suffered. We were studying Marxism in history, and that was my interpretation. I wasn't a very good student.

I remember coming home the first time with a pocket-full of No. 2 pencils, burning with adrenalin, and the danger of getting caught heightened with my familial relationship to the CEO. I closed my door, jammed the pilfered pencils into the pencil sharpener, cranked up the soundtrack to The Graduate, and rocked out to my triumph over the Man. Doo-doo to you, bitches!

I did it because I wanted to assert my individuality, because I wanted to feel alive, because I wanted to rock out to The Graduate, and because I wanted free writing utensils. I don't regret what I did, and I don't want my wallet thief to regret her actions either. She gave me more by making me appreciate what I have than she could have taken away in cash. And I want to thank her for that.

In other news, 2006 has been rather disappointing thus far. But it's only February, so the year has a little more than nine months to improve or else I'm disowning it. On the upside of things, the weather has been nice lately! Other than that, I'm done for now :) Until next time, bye!

Oh! By the way, everyone - it's my birthday today! :)

I am riding the buzz. It is a buzz I built, albeit by accident. The buzz started last week, when I got a random call from Ryan. He told me that he really related to the pop references in my blog and wanted to manage my Hollywood career, even though I didn't have one. Seeing as I am not the first to allude to Stanford and Son in an entry that was not about TV, I sensed this was just another lame cover for the attraction people feel for me after seeing my picture on MySpace.

But just in case, I went out to lunch with him he spent the afternoon telling me how great I was and how he wanted to be part of the "Drea Tran™ business". I told him I didn't have any script ideas or even the ability to write a script, but this did not deter him at all. It was so overwhelming and exciting, I forgot to ask him what a manager does. This, I now realize, is probably how Mike Tyson got hooked up with Don King.

And even though I knew the whole thing was completely phony, it made me feel pretty. At one point, Ryan saw a friend in the restaurant and he brought her over. Like a gunslinger, she whipped her index finger at me and said, "You are so talented!" It was obvious she had no idea who I was. This is now what I'll say to everyone I ever meet, except for Val Kilmer.

Ryan would get 10% of my take, which seemed steep until I realized it was 10% of nothing - and that felt like a pretty small price to pay for a guy to call me all the time and tell me I'm funny. Still, I wanted to be sure I had the very best manager telling me I'm funny. All of a sudden, I had created some sort of war among ambitious young managers who were afraid of missing out on whatever it is they thought it was I did. I decdided to hold out for lots of free meals. This, I figured, might be the "Drea Tran™ business".

Then, I started hearing rumours about myself. My name even popped up during a volunteer meeeting, and I realized this was probably the biggest opprortunity I'd ever get to sell a script. The trick would be signing a deal before anyone found out I couldn't write one. This may be how most movies get made.

After I told Ryan he could be my manager, I found out I was allowed to get an angent, even though they do the exact same thing. And it would only cost 20% of nothing, so I told my Mom to come aboard. Ryan wanted to get right to work, starting with an e-meeting later this week with my Mom. So now I'm looking for a screenwriter to complete the team, and I'm offerng 10%. Plase send applications to my manager.

( pictures for good measure, and because I'm incredibly good looking )

Anyway, I don't know what else to say except that my dog Dotty had puppies again! Perhaps I could post cute pictures for all of us to gush over later. It's also very cold, and my birthday is coming up. I also really hope people still read this! :)

Hi, everyone! I just wanted to let you guys know I'm not face-down in the gutter somewhere, and that I shall sit in front of my computer and become a slave to your every wish and desire the next chance I get! But in the mean time, here are a few pictures that I thought I'd throw in for good measure. They're from my cousin Hieu's wedding on August 28th in Southern California, which may seem like a "long time ago" - but that's only because it was.

( a plethora of wedding pictures )

Also! This isn't really considered "important", but after almost two years - I've finally hit fifty entries! I realize that it's an all-time low in general, but it's also an all-time high in my eyes :) Anyway, that's it for now. Take it easy, friends.